God Moments

As I start this new blogging venture I begin with a bit of fear that my words and my stories will bring to light my heart, and that parts of it will not be pretty. I intend to make this a journal of sorts where I can expose who I believe I am and more importantly who God is to me. I need a place to remember His goodness, His provision, His laughter and guidance in my life. I so easily pass over the daily things that show me God is good. This will be my daily alter, remembering what I have been given as well as sharing some of the creativeness that drives me :) Come along for the adventure!

Today is Thursday. I am 2 months into being a stay at home mom. I have spent the last 11 years teaching and am now learning to find a new way of life with my kids and my everyday activities. The past year has been a time of learning and pain. I have come to realize that I have lived my life driven by "doing". Doing the job of mom, doing the job of wife, doing the job of Christ follower, doing the job of teacher, doing the job of friend, doing the job of daughter. My world came crashing down when I could no longer "do" these jobs to the ability that I had come to expect within myself. Throughout the year, between work battles, marriage battles and health battles, I began to question what my faith really had become, or even had really ever been. As a "devoted" follower of Jesus, active member of church and disciple of my faith to others for my entire life I have come to realize in the past year that His sustaining peace was not what my faith was built on. I had come to rely on myself. All of that to say that when we find ourselves at the end of ourselves, in my mind we have two options...we curl up and check out to life and faith or we come to discover and learn what it really means to love our God, to depend on Him, to love the people He has made, and to love what He has done in and for us. That is what I am coming to realize now.

I am committed these next 365 days to opening my eyes to "God moments". I struggle, I laugh, I weep, I "throw the towel in" many days and so often I forget that beyond my view of the stresses of the day, there is a Creator who wants nothing more than to reveal Himself to me, to remind me that He knew what was coming my way long before I saw it, that He delights in the messes that the kids make and the interactions we have together, even when they make me want to pull my hair out. He is a God that laughs when Nathan tells a joke, smiles when Emma has pulled everything out in her room to create a masterpiece and tears up when Carter plays the piano and sings at the top of his lungs. My house is never quiet. My kids are rarely calm. The messes are usually present. The fights happen, the breakdowns are common. In the midst of it all, I want so desperately to see God. I want to truly see my family as they were created. I want to see the pain behind the actions of those that disgust me and come to love them. I want to take pride in the creative side that I have and believe that it is a gift. I want to transform my marriage into one that makes others want to change theirs. I feel so incredibly far from any of this, but I do believe that God has brought me to this point in my life for change. I have said for 33 years that I hate change, and now is a time that I want to embrace it. Change to become so much more like the Laura that I was created to be.

I plan to post my God moment or moments each day, along with something creative that I have done. I have opened this blog to you, my very close friends and family as you are my "hometeam". I know you have my back :) I trust you to love me beyond the ugliness and hopefully see the transformation. This is something that I feel God has called me to this year as I learn a new way of thinking.

"If you can find it within yourself, in the wildest of seasons , just for a moment to trust in the goodness of God, who made it all and holds it all together, you'll find yourself drawn along to a whole new place, and there's truly nothing sweeter. Unclench your fists, unlock your knees and also the door to you heart, take a deep breath, and begin to swim. Begin to let the waves do their work in you." Shauna Niequist- Bittersweet

Day 1- October 6, 2010- Today I received an amazing email from a friend that battles many physical ailments. She has spent years in pain and is to me one of the clearest examples of Godly perseverance. She sent me a devotional this morning that spoke of the importance of cherishing moments with your kids, before they are only memories. Little did she know that yesterday I had been faced with a financial "battle" that had me in tears for the day and my trust in a God who provides (one that I had just been bragging about hours before) was gone as quickly as it had come. I was stressing over the thought of possibly having to work to sustain my families' needs. Her email was the very first thing I read when I woke up which slapped me over the head (in a good way:)) and reminded me He is faithful. ugh- I lose sight so easy!!! I tried to remember to "embrace" the time with my kids tonight as they fought over which show to watch, and who was sitting where on the couch, and which snack they were going to eat. The list goes on. I sit down now as they are in bed and will reread the encouragement from my friend, and think of her life and her faith and remember my God who is good!

On the creative end, I made an absolutely delicious apple crisp cake. I had one small corner to make sure that it was edible.haha. I think it can be used as a breakfast dish or a dessert :) I changed up the recipe some since I knew that my kids would not eat the "dates" or walnuts that it called for. Here is the recipe:

3 cups diced apples

1/2 c rolled oats (I substituted this for the half cup walnuts or dates)

1 1/2 c oil

3 eggs

2 c sugar

1 t cinnamon

2 t vanilla

3 c flour

1 t baking soda

dash of salt
Topping-

1 c brown sugar

1/2 c butter

1/4 c milk

Bring all 3 ingredients to a boil and remove from heat.

Mix the first 7 ingredients. Slowly add the flour, soda and salt. Spread into a 9x13 greased pan and bake at 400 degrees for 40 min. When it is finished baking, poke small holes throughout the top of the cake. Drizzle the brown sugar topping over the holes and let it set. The recipe does not call for whipped cream, but I am thinking I will top it with some in the morning when it completely cools! Viola~