Lead Me

Monday, October 11-Colombus Day-

Busy Monday as I recovered from a weekend away and prepared for the week ahead. I always spend my Mondays cleaning. Since we have house church at our house Monday evenings, it is a good excuse, and puts the pressure on to get at least one good house clean a week :) Today as I was scrubbing the bathrooms I was listening to Sanctus Real's song Lead Me. The premise of the song is a husband who desires to be led by God, to abandon his dreams and desires for Christ's and to lead his family.

Jeff and I have been through the ringer this year. We hit a low point in our relationship where we realized that we needed outside help as well as the grace of God if we were going to make it. Our covenants to each other remained strong but we both agreed we wanted more than just "survival" in our relationship. When I first heard this song, I thought that I would continue to play it for Jeff so that the truth of it would sink deep into him :) God has a way of revealing your own junk when you think you are going to make others realize theirs!!

As I listened to the song once again this morning my heart broke as I realized that my Jeff wants nothing more than to lead me, to lead my kids, to demonstrate God's heart. I see in him integrity that goes beyond anything I can describe. I see in him a willingness to learn and grow, and break. I have to remind myself that I have not been the easiest to live with the past few years. I have struggled at a deep level in many areas in my life. As I begin this time of healing in myself, I am reminded of Jeff's steadfast love and patience with me. My love for him has been brought to a new level as we surrender our misconceptions of each other and learn what it means to see through the eyes of Christ.